Dua Puluh Empat Februari: Pitam

Bendungku mual lagi, siap muntah
Lirih parah, tanpa arah
Tak ada katup, tiada ampun
Emosi tuntun beruntun

Semua menggoda, rusak tiang jiwa
Terkikis merah membara
Kucoba merapal mantra
Kuharap tenang jiwa

Dua Puluh Tiga Februari: Kunamai Bintang

Kunamai bintang itu, namamu, dimana disitu kutemui binar tatapmu, kumalami setiap pendarnya dengan kedua tanganku yang terbuka. Dan kemudian kujelajah masa depan kita dengan doa, kupintal segala kecemasan saat semua rasa diremas erat dengan dekap itu, rindu. Seluruhmu, ialah partikel yang berkaitan dengan padu. Tentang bagaimana pribadi keras hati juga kedewasaan diri yang kemudian Tuhan mengemasnya dengan kilauan pesona, hingga hatiku tergetar olehnya.
Wahai selaksa yang kudamba dan padanya harapku bermuara, biar kusisipkan setiap gurat senyummu dalam sakuku, dan kugelar dengan rapih setiap kali aku hilang kendali serta kuasa untuk menunggu. Ulurkan kelipmu mengiring setiap gontaiku, aku dan tatihku menujumu sampai genggamku dan genggamu jadi satu.
Kunamai bintang itu, namamu. Agar aku tidak sepi, setiap kali matahari bergegas pulang ke peraduannya. Kita isi makna indahnya hari ini. Jadilah pijar, lentera hidupku. Berkeliplah, agar aku tau dimana beradamu. Pahami aku saat menangis di saat seluruh dunia jahat padaku. Dan kita isi semesta kita bersama-sama.
Maka biarkan, kunamai bintang itu, namamu. Bintang yang tinggi di atas sana. Yang begitu indah di setiapku memandangnya, namun saat itu pula kusadari,  juga begitu jauh untuk kedua tanganku ini merengkuhnya. Haruskah? Aku -perempuan ini- terbang ke atas sana untuk menggapainya?

Enam Belas Februari: Jeda Lelahmu

Teruntukmu yang sedang berlelah..
semoga engkau mengingat perempuan – aku yang merindukanmu
Kalau-kalau iya, dibanyaknya waktu
berlelahmu
Sedikit saja kau jeda, waktumu untukku
Iya, hanya kalau-kalau sempat waktumu
***
berlelahmu — ialah semua kepentinganmu, kebahagianmu, kesenanganmu, kesibukanmu, dan segala yang di luar aku.

Sembilan Februari: Something I Should Fight For

Dear you-whoever-spend-your-priceless-time-here, It's been a long time since I decided to bury all my thoughts. Wow, I can't believe I can survive in here for almost one year, I'm surprising myself. I remember when I was only two months here, feels like I'm gonna throw this apron and just turn my body back. Those times are definitely the hardest. I have to be comfort in that situation which don't make me comfort at all. You know, I was really sick of that. But suddenly a power comes to me. I don't know where it comes from. It just does exist, Thank God. I could imagine all my dreams, slowly but clearly, I can touch them. And I realise, this place is my milestone.
Yes. This is His fate.
Enjoy it, survive, I believe that good job isn't always about good boss, good salary, or good jobdesks, but good friends are the most important thing and that was hard to be found.
Unfortunately.
I was too enjoying, too comfort till the the time passes it by.
After those "exams" and these "glories", after I took many lessons here, I can hear God say, "Turn back, you'll find the better path!".
To be honest,
I'm,
So,
Dissapointed...
Every step I take has to be stopped right now, why my heart it changes so fast? Why I can't even smile when I can get out from this place?
Now, remembering my memories in here is like sticking glues to my "memory paper". Getting sticky. Increasingly difficult to be released.
I can remember their jokes. I can remember how's the rain outside the canteen's window and how it sounds. I can remember how tiring weekend is.  I can remember how tasty a slice of toast bread with cappucino glaze on it. I can remember how full the canteen at 5 pm. I can remember how Mrs. Sharon bullied us with her mature thoughts. I can remember how shrewish Mrs. Eki is. I can remember how funny Mr. Yudi with his girly jokes. I can remember how's the way I argue with Mrs. Widya inside the bakery area. I can remember how's the shape of Soni's abs. I can remember how busy inventory is.
Damn.
I love them too much.
I can't handle it.
Can I go back to 2014, 10th of May?
I don't want to ended up being like this. Disgusting...
There's too many handwrites in here which I can't erase them.
Life must go on, because time flows.
And far in there, maybe there's a new place for me which I should fight for.
Maybe there's something which I should pray for.
Happiness. That's what I do for.
I'm tough. I'm strong.