Sembilan Februari: Something I Should Fight For

Dear you-whoever-spend-your-priceless-time-here, It's been a long time since I decided to bury all my thoughts. Wow, I can't believe I can survive in here for almost one year, I'm surprising myself. I remember when I was only two months here, feels like I'm gonna throw this apron and just turn my body back. Those times are definitely the hardest. I have to be comfort in that situation which don't make me comfort at all. You know, I was really sick of that. But suddenly a power comes to me. I don't know where it comes from. It just does exist, Thank God. I could imagine all my dreams, slowly but clearly, I can touch them. And I realise, this place is my milestone.
Yes. This is His fate.
Enjoy it, survive, I believe that good job isn't always about good boss, good salary, or good jobdesks, but good friends are the most important thing and that was hard to be found.
Unfortunately.
I was too enjoying, too comfort till the the time passes it by.
After those "exams" and these "glories", after I took many lessons here, I can hear God say, "Turn back, you'll find the better path!".
To be honest,
I'm,
So,
Dissapointed...
Every step I take has to be stopped right now, why my heart it changes so fast? Why I can't even smile when I can get out from this place?
Now, remembering my memories in here is like sticking glues to my "memory paper". Getting sticky. Increasingly difficult to be released.
I can remember their jokes. I can remember how's the rain outside the canteen's window and how it sounds. I can remember how tiring weekend is.  I can remember how tasty a slice of toast bread with cappucino glaze on it. I can remember how full the canteen at 5 pm. I can remember how Mrs. Sharon bullied us with her mature thoughts. I can remember how shrewish Mrs. Eki is. I can remember how funny Mr. Yudi with his girly jokes. I can remember how's the way I argue with Mrs. Widya inside the bakery area. I can remember how's the shape of Soni's abs. I can remember how busy inventory is.
Damn.
I love them too much.
I can't handle it.
Can I go back to 2014, 10th of May?
I don't want to ended up being like this. Disgusting...
There's too many handwrites in here which I can't erase them.
Life must go on, because time flows.
And far in there, maybe there's a new place for me which I should fight for.
Maybe there's something which I should pray for.
Happiness. That's what I do for.
I'm tough. I'm strong.